Wearing the Role Without Losing Yourself: The Paradox of Authentic Leadership

This blog began as a reflection. We were working with a group of senior leaders as part of a year-long program, and an amazing guest leader joined us mid-session. This individual is someone who we know well, as they participated in one of our programs several years ago, and is an active example of what true leadership looks like, consistently demonstrating both humility and courage.  Amidst many powerful insights, three words landed with particular force: "Wear the role."

It stopped me in my tracks. What does it mean to wear a role? Can you put on leadership like a jacket, without it changing who you are underneath? And what happens if you can't? I caught sight of my partner in crime, Taylor Hawkins, and realised she’d had a similar reaction; this led to an interesting conversation over lunch…

Step into any executive development program and you’ll hear it: “Just be yourself.” But what if “yourself” doesn’t seem to fit the job?  

This is the paradox many leaders face as they rise through the ranks. With every step up, the expectations shift, with mounting pressure to sustain their path while navigating both increasing levels of pressure and increasing ambiguity. The role demands gravitas, presence, decisiveness. Yet most leaders also feel a quiet, persistent question: How do I stay true to who I am, while becoming the leader this role requires?

The tension is real. And the answer isn't to choose between authenticity and adaptability. It's to embrace both.

Leadership as Performance (in the best sense)

Before we go further, it's important to acknowledge this: the role exists for a reason. It has been deemed necessary by the organisation to deliver on specific business outcomes. That means, as leaders, we have a responsibility—not just to ourselves, but to our teams and stakeholders—to fulfil the requirements of the role description. Wearing the role isn't just a personal endeavour; it's a professional obligation.

There’s a common discomfort with the idea of “wearing” a leadership role, as if it implies being inauthentic. But think of it more like a well-tailored suit: it doesn’t become ‘part of you’, but it can still reflect your identity. The role comes with scripts, norms, and expectations, and good leaders learn to inhabit them with intention.

In this sense, leadership is performative. Not in the theatrical or fake way, but in the way a musician performs a score or an athlete plays a game. There’s skill, presence, and discipline involved. The role of a CEO, CHRO, or team lead isn’t natural to anyone at first. You grow into it. You learn which parts of yourself to dial up, and which are best suited to specific environments. You become more targeted, and discerning.

The Risk of Over-Identification

But there’s a risk: when the role becomes a mask rather than a mirror. When leaders over-identify with the role, they start acting in ways that betray their deeper values. They prioritise optics over integrity. They confuse confidence with control. They perform the role so convincingly they forget who they were before they stepped into it.

This is when leadership starts to feel hollow, both for the leader and for the people they serve. It breeds cynicism, burnout, and disconnection. This type of 'leadership behaviour' is not appreciated by others and the impact is generally the opposite to what is intended.

Congruence, Not Consistency

Many of us were taught that being a ‘consistent’ leader is the ideal. But in reality, effective leadership is more about congruence than consistency. Congruence means aligning your actions with your values, even as the context shifts. It means showing up differently when needed—more directive in a crisis, more facilitative in growth phases—without compromising what matters most to you.

Congruent leaders adapt their style, not their soul.

They understand that integrity isn’t about rigidly sticking to one mode of being. It’s about evolving in ways that remain rooted in something deeper.

Wearing the Role Lightly

The most trusted leaders we meet aren’t those who take themselves most seriously. They’re the ones who wear their roles lightly. They’re not clinging to power or identity. They’re using the role as a platform to serve, to grow, and to create impact.

Wearing the role lightly doesn’t mean being casual or passive. It means staying grounded. It means knowing the difference between the authority the role gives you, and the trust you must earn. It means being open to feedback, to change, and to the humanity in yourself and others.

So, what can leaders do?

Here are three reflective practices for navigating the balance:

1. Anchor in your values. Write them down. Test them against tough decisions. Revisit them often. They are your compass.

2. Notice who you become under pressure. Pressure reveals patterns. Do you harden, retreat, dominate? What would a congruent response look like?

3. Build safe spaces for truth-telling. Surround yourself with people who see you, not just your title. Their feedback is gold.

The role of a leader will always involve a degree of stretch. That’s part of the growth. But it shouldn’t require a trade-off between effectiveness and authenticity.

Great leadership is not about choosing between the role and the real you. It’s about learning how to wear the role—with clarity, with care, and above all, with your whole self still intact.

At LIW we work hard to support leaders in developing their leadership holistically, carefully balancing the human and the more technical aspects of being an effective leader. Let us know if you would like to hear more.